The Meme to End All Memes

I got bored with some of the lame memes that have been floating around out there, so I decided to make a lame meme of my own. It will probably never get anywhere, but oh well.

1. If you could change your name to anything you wanted, what would you change it to?
Señor Mojito Fandango

2. Do any of your friends have a nickname for you? If so, what is it?
One of the girls at work calls me Yum Yum. Josh calls me Frank the Tank. Ariana calls me Gordo and a whole host of other unsavory Spanish words.

3. While taking a leisurely stroll on Magic Gumdrop Island, you are suddenly pelted in the head by an errant jellybean. What are the first words out of your mouth?
"Son of a biscuit eatin' dog!"

4. If you could reincarnate as another animal, what would it be?
A house cat. That's the life.

5. Jedi or Sith?
Jedi, with a blue lightsaber.

6. What is the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?
Breaded, deep fried mountain oysters.

7. If you could live anywhere in reality or fantasy, where would it be?
Monster Island, or maybe Greece

8. If you could date anybody in reality or in fantasy, who would it be?
Linda Carter's version of Wonder Woman

9. Are there any languages that you would like to learn, but have absolutely no reason to learn?
Swahili and Anglo Saxon

10. If you were a superhero, what would your superpower(s) be?
I would want to be telekinetic and telepathic, but I'd probably get stuck with something stupid like hyper-seismic flatulence.

11. In one sentence or less, describe the strangest dream you've ever had.
Flesh-eating zombie trucker ate my face and then feasted on my innards (seriously--this was a real dream of mine).

12. On a scale from one to ten, just how awesome is Alan Arkin?
Fifteen

13. What is an appropriate punishment for peeing on a public toilet seat?
I think a flogging will suffice...as long as it's done with a rabid cobra wearing a steel helmet crusted with shards of broken glass dipped in salt.

14. You are a mad scientist bent on world domination. You create a monster to challenge the earth. Describe it.
I combined a horse, a bearded dragon, a giant squid and Abe Vigoda and bombarded them with gamma rays till they fused together and grew 600 feet tall. My monster is called King Vigodora and can smash buildings with its giant hooves and lizard tail, shoot tentacles from its chest, and breathe radioactive fire. It also makes frequent cameo appearances on Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

15. If the ghost of Don Knotts came to you and offered to grant you three wishes, what would you wish for?
1) an attractive and healthy body
2) all the gold and jewels in the world
3) a way for all the people of the world to live in perfect peace...out of stark terror of the horrific punishment that would befall them should they anger me, their supreme master and all-powerful ruler of mankind

Please share the joy by reposting this survey, but with your own answers, of course, and then send it to, like, 5 other people and try to see if you can get them to do it too. They probably won't, but at least you gave it the old college try, eh?