Kungfupower's Half-Assed Resolution List

So the new year is here. People are asking me if I have any resolutions. My answer is a resounding "yes...sort of."

1) I WILL QUIT SMOKING...for the most part. I have to finish this last pack that I bought, but after that there will be no more cigarettes for me, except for those I can bum off of others.

2) NO SECOND HELPINGS AT MEALS...except for pizza, buffets, barbecues, holidays and special events.

3) NO MORE DRINKING...of canned beer and bottom shelf hooch, unless it's offered to me.

4) I WON'T EAT IF I'M NOT HUNGRY. When I feel the urge to eat something, I will ask myself: "am I actually hungry, or not?" If the answer is "not," then I will refrain from eating, but if I am hungy, then I will immediately tend to it with an 18 oz. steak and a hardy tankard of ale.

5) READ ONE NEW BOOK PER WEEK...until the WGA writers' strike ends and the networks start showing new episodes of my favorite TV shows.

6) WALK AT LEAST 20 MINUTES PER DAY...unless my feet are aching, or if I'm tired, or if it's cold outside, or if it's hot outside, or if there's the remote possibility that I might be attacked by a pride of feral cats.

7) GET ORGANIZED. Everything in my living space is in one big pile. Separating that pile into smaller piles will make things easier to find.

8) WIN THE LOTTERY...'nuff said.

9) GIVE MORE MONEY TO CHARITY...just as soon as I complete resolution #8.

10) MORE FREQUENT BLOG POSTS...unless I just don't feel like it.