The Dream in Which I Am a Bad-Ass Action Star

I had another weird dream last night. I was trying to get to a college to do something (I can't remember what) by a deadline, but I ended up on some strange university campus on the other end of town. I asking around for directions, hoping to catch a ride from someone, when I met two lovely young single mothers pushing strollers with super cute babies in them. They wanted to find the same college, but didn't have any transportation either. I thought that I should leave them behind and try to go it solo, but their babies were, like, sooooo ridiculously adorable that I decided to let them tag along on my quest.

After wandering around a bit, we began to realize that all the shop and street signs were in Spanish. I thought we were lost in Santa Ana, California, but soon realized that we were stranded in a scary Mexico border town. None of us had a passport, and we were all afraid that we wouldn't be able to get back to the U.S., so we found a trench that we knew would lead us across the border back to home. The trench led to a concrete-walled tunnel. As I advanced through the tunnel, I suddenly realized that my travel companions had vanished. As I began to reach the end of the tunnel, I sensed that something horrible had happened to them.

I was just feet away from the exit to America, but it was being blocked by some creepy Josef-Mengele-looking dude in a white lab coat, and his tough-looking Mexican henchman. I knew that they had killed the young ladies and their babies. I was enraged. Suddenly, I was Danny Trejo (awesome, I know). I'll spare you the details, but there was horrific Robert-Rodriguez-movie-style bloodshed involving an ice pick, a sharpened chisel, and a box-cutter.

I made my way past the bodies of my slain foes and walked through the door leading to Main Street, USA. People lined the streets, watching a marching band in a parade. I made my way through the crowd and on to freedom, but the sweet relief of my homecoming was marred by the horrors that I had faced. I was a survivor. And I was still Danny Trejo (still awesome, yes). Then I woke up.